Lessons from Roselore

Today was a little different. We took the sensory kids to Bonneau with both Kelsey and Caitin’s two groups of Americans. This meant that even with McKinley and Carlos tagging along because they cried so much about not getting to go, that there was still close to a 2:1 American to kid ratio. This also meant that Autumn, Caitlin, Kelsey and I did not have kids. This is the first time I have ever been to Bonneau this whole summer that I have not been in charge of a kid at one point in time or another. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think at first. It was so strange not having a kid. I felt weird and at times I wish I could have a kid to play with, but then I realized that with the freedom of not looking after just one child, I could play with all of our kids that came today! Kelsey and I went around taking pictures and playing with each child and the American(s) that were with them. 

 Lunch today for the kids came REALLY late. In fact, I was able to walk upstairs to eat my own lunch of rice and beans super fast to come back downstairs just in time for the beginning of the lunch process for the Miriam Center. For lunch I had the privilege for feeding more than just one child like yesterday. In fact, I fed John Kerry, Gildine, Yeah-Yeah, and Walden. By the time I had finished feeding these guys, it was time for Outreach. 

Today in Outreach we only had one kid, who is working on trying to walk. Autumn showed me some things that she had learned from some of her friends who are physical therapists back in the states since OT’s technically aren’t licensed to treat the lower body really in the states. However, in Haiti there really is no such things are licensing or protocols. If you know, you do. So Autumn and I worked with this kid for about an hour before he feel asleep. If there is one thing I have found that is extremely different between therapy in the states and in Haiti it is the attitude that the parents have towards it. These parents sometimes can walk hours to get to the mission each week for this hour and a half to two hour long therapy session, yet they don’t seem to mind if there kid takes a nap right in the middle of it. I certainly admire all of these parents for choosing to keep their kids with the stigma that special needs kids have in Haiti. However, I am still working on fully understanding the nature of this attitude in Haiti. 

After Outreach was done, I had nothing to do for a couple of hours since we ended a bit early because our kid was asleep. So I tagged along with Tore and her group which consisted of her mom, friend Cameron (who also wants to be an OT as well) and three other women who were with their team to the market. We looked for mangos, kinips, and coconut cookies for Autumn. I love going to the market and being immersed with the people of St. Louis. I love walking the rows of the market, seeing all the random things that are for sale and the faces of the people watching white people pass by. 

When we arrived back at the mission I went to take a nap. I ended up being way more tired that I thought I was and slept for about an hour. When I woke up, I went downstairs and played with the kids until it was time for the higher functioning kids to eat. I hung out with Steven and Roselore for quite a bit during this time. 

Roselore was really upset about something and I couldn’t figure out what it was that was wrong. She wouldn’t talk or laugh or even smile. This is sooo unusual for her. I held her in my arms, comfort her and ask her what was wrong in the little Creole I have picked up. I even tried to make faces and tickle her to get this sweet girl to laugh, but nothing would work. It broke my heart, but made me realize a lot about myself. When I get upset or mad I often times just shut down and close everyone else off. I don’t talk to people. I don’t reach out to anyone. I just shut down and expect everything to just be magically better. This would be a remotely okay response if I took these feelings to God, but when I am upset I typically do not. I know that I should, but this just isn’t my response. I am just like Roselore a lot of the time. I try to cover up that I am upset, but it is usually pretty clear. And I try to pull away from anyone trying to comfort me, even when it is my Father. And I usually don’t find things funny even when people try to cheer me up. I saw myself in Roselore today that I never really expected. 

I think that the way I saw Roselore today is often times what the Lord sees of me. His little girl who is so upset, but will simply refuse to turn to him and tell him what is wrong. The little girl who wants to figure it all out for herself and doesn’t want to just collapse into His arms. I am the little girl who does everything to try and cheer herself up or makes things better before turning to my Father. In so many ways I am Roselore. And in just the same ways that I wanted more than anything for Roselore just to chose to let me help her, I am confident that this is actually the way God feels when I refuse to turn to Him. 
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7