...Love

Sunday mornings = sleeping in. And by sleeping in, I woke up at 8:05 instead of 6:25 this morning, which for the majority of you reading this, would be 7:05 Texas time. Even with the close to two hour addition to my normal sleep schedule, I probably didn’t gain much considering that Kelsey, Logan and I spent quite a while talking in the staff lounge after the generator had gone out last night. I would take this conversation any day compared to extra sleep though. The three of us where able to talk about how we felt our time here so far had gone, what we would like to change, the positives and negatives of the mission, how the short term groups both helped and hurt, what we believed true reform for Haiti would look like and where we felt the Lord was calling us. I can’t tell you how blessed I was by the conversation. The thing that I keep thinking about though from this talk was that even with the wide range of subjects within our broad conversation, the subject matter always came back to Jesus and how He would serve the people of Haiti. It always came back to the importance of the Truth of the Gospel. I pray that in my last few days to come here in Haiti that I will be able to have more conversations like this, but mostly, I pray that when I return home from Haiti and begin telling each of you about my trip, that everything I did here will always come back to the Truth. After all, the whole reason I came here was to be Jesus to the kids of the Miriam Center, so if I can tell you all about my trip and not mention Jesus, His saving grace, and His love then I have failed.

Even with the not so extra sleep I typically look forward to on my Sabbath’s here in Haiti, it was still a fantastic day overall. This week marked our second week of CMC (Church of the Miriam Center) and it went just as well, if not better than last week’s. Today we were able to have a group (Caitlin’s group that I went with yesterday along with Morgan) come down to help us. We sang a handful of songs (both in Creole and English) and then Papito gave a message from Proverbs 1:1-12. Even though I have no idea what he was saying because I really need to work on improving my Creole, Caitlin (who has been interning here for the last 3 years) said that he did a great job. Papito apparently would read each verse and then break it down to make in applicable to the Miriam Center, the kids and the workers. After this message from Papito, we sang a couple more songs (one which Steven helped to lead in sign language) before closing out in prayer. I have come to absolutely love the Church of the Miriam Center in the last two weeks. It just really seems to fill such a need for the kids and the staff. Before this it was such a struggle to get all of the kids ready for church in the morning for the Americans to take across the street, and then figure out which workers were going to stay behind to take care of the kids who can’t go. Another great example of way CMC is feeling such a need for these kids, last week Owen’s had a seizure in the classroom here at the CMC. Shelly was able to be right there for him and everything was totally fine. Today a few young American girls took Roselore across the street to Big Church. She had a seizure over there. Thank the Lord Tore’s mom was sitting near by. She is a pediatrician who was able to handle things well and get Roselore back over to Shelly at the Miriam Center. I feel like if we are able to continue Church of the Miriam Center in the weeks and months to come that it could benefit not only the children but the staff as well.

When we had finished with our church service this morning. The Haitian staff went into the kitchen to help finish preparing lunch while all the kids stayed in the classroom to watch a Biblical TV show called Dr. Wonder’s Workshop. I think the kids really enjoy watching this, which is good since it has some Biblical context and uses sign language all throughout the show. This is really beneficial to kids like Steven, Jean and Kim.

Lunch was a little crazy since we didn’t have too many Americans to help feed since so many of them were still over at big church. I definitely was reminded of the help that they can be. However, I have also seen the patience that the Lord has blessed me with the last several weeks in terms of feeding. With the group of Americans we have now, and for many of the teams that we have had so far this summer, if it takes longer than 15 minutes to feed a child, they start asking questions, think something is wrong, or just simply give up. I think that in the beginning of my internship this summer I was very similar to this myself. However, I feel like the Lord has certainly grown me in my patience not only for the fact that many of our kids can take 30-45 minutes to feed, but also in realizing that the Americans will ask a ton of questions, think they are doing something wrong, or simply give up because they are not used to this and don’t feed kids with special needs everyday. Thank you Lord for showing me this. I certainly pray that I can carry this over to other aspects of my life.

As we were finishing up the last kids to feed, initially Autumn, Heather and I thought that we were going to go to the restaurant at the hotel for lunch. So, I went up to the my room to grab a quick snack of a handful of Goldfish and cookies to hold me over.

However, when I walked back down to the M.C. I was met my Autumn who informed me that we were going to go for dinner instead. So, I ate lunch here at the mission instead. It was a stew today with different types of noodles and dumplings. I am not a huge fan of this meal and was reminded of the few perks of heading back to the states in a few days: fruits, veggies, Starbucks, ice cream, milk, cheese, yogurt, burgers, donuts, salads, sushi, chicken salad, Cheese Its, Oreo’s, shakes, ICE, cold drinks of any kind, and Dr. Pepper. I think that it will take me many, many months until I am ready for beans, rice, oat meal or stew again. Many, many months. 

I was able to take some time this afternoon between lunch and about two to listen to a podcast on my Itouch and take a little bit of some down time to myself. I liked this for two reasons. For one thing I was able to listen to a church service in English. I think the hardest thing about being here in Haiti is how hard it is to be spiritually fed myself at times due to the lack of a true English church service. Second, I loved this because here it can be hard to find time to myself during the day. This allowed me to just lay out on my hammock and think to myself. It was nice. This was a fantastic way to spend the afternoon of my Sabbath if I do say so myself.

Soon after walking back down to the common area after my awesome nap and podcast time, I found Kelsey and Melissa sitting outside the staff lounge. Melissa has been trying to learn to play the guitar, so Kelsey and I sang a few worship while she played. It was great. During this time, Autumn came up to be and said, “remember that time we are in Haiti? Well we are going to dinner at 3:30 now.” So off to the restaurant we soon went.

I had been looking forward to this time for about a week now. Originally we were going to try to head up to eat there last Saturday, but all the interns ended up going for Logan’s birthday. I knew that when we went it would be a lot of fun, but I didn’t realize just how much I would enjoy it. It had never really hit me that in the five weeks I have been here the three of us have never had the time to sit down and talk outside of the Miriam Center. Thinking about this seems pretty crazy and can also give you a bit of insight into just how crazy our days here at the Miriam Center can be. These two women are such Godly ladies and have poured into me so much during my time here. This afternoon was so great to get to hear more about their hearts for these kids and this ministry. They asked me several questions including what my favorite memories where from my time here so far. I answered seeing Joshua feed Kelsey popcorn earlier this week, taking Berto and Niaka to Bonneau, Tuesday and Thursday mornings in the Sensory classroom, and discovering that Joseph was stockpiling eggs under his blanket. They also inquired about what I think I learned from being here to which I responded patience. I truly believe I have learned so much about patience both for these kids and those who volunteer to help them.

Our time at the restaurant was such a blessing and beautiful time for me. Autumn had told me earlier that they both wanted this to be a time for them to celebrate me as the Miriam Center intern. At dinner today, Heather had said once again how Shelly had told her she was going to miss me and that she loved having me here; how all the staff loved me. Autumn told me how she had loved reading the few blogs of mine she had time to read so far and couldn’t wait to get back to the states to read the others. This meal was such an encouragement to me. I felt so poured into by these two and have felt this way for the last 5 weeks. I absolutely love these two women and will miss them both dearly.

As we were getting ready to leave, Autumn excused herself for a few minutes to go to the bathroom. While she was gone, Heather mentioned something that struck me. For a while during our meal she had mentioned how she had yet to post a single blog for the three months she has been here. In the brief time Autumn was gone to try and find a bathroom, Heather said something about the lines of how she had no idea what she would talk about in her blog. She could talk about what all the needs of the Miriam Center were, or try to talk about all the great things she had seen but mainly all she could think about was how in the end she would just have to sum it up with “...Love” and go from there.

But as we were walking back down the mountain from the restaurant I was thinking about how true this really is. If I could sum up my time here in the Miriam Center it would be …Love. If you think about it, I can go on trips to Bonneau, I can give kids water to drink, I can help fed kids, I can give kids massages, I can help Isaac blow his nose, and I can hold Berto in my arms. But eventually there will be another trip to Bonneau that I can’t be here for, and those same kids I give water to will become thirsty again, another meal time will come and kids will need to be fed, hands will be in need for massages in another week, Isaac’s nose will continue to run, and Berto will need someone else to hold him while I am gone. Many of the things that I have done of these kids are all fleeting. But I can love them like Jesus has called me to love and that’s lasting. Love is the only thing that I can give this kids that will last. Love is the only thing that I can truly show these kids that will matter because in the end it doesn’t matter if these kids go to the playground, are hydrated, feed, have muscles that are relaxed, don’t have boogers running down their face, or are comfortable in someone’s arms if they don’t know what love is.

And yet I am human so the only way that I can earnestly love these kids is through the power of Jesus. So, if I can’t tell you about my trip without mentioning Jesus and his love and grace then I have failed. And if I can’t walk away from the Miriam Center on Wednesday feeling like I have loved these kids the way that the Lord has called me to, being a true example of Jesus’s love and grace then I have failed.

Good news is, at the moment I feel like I can walk away knowing that I have poured myself out 100%. I can leave here knowing that I did exactly what the Lord is calling me to. But ultimately I can leave here, knowing that I did just what I was suppose to, but that my work here still isn’t done just yet.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13

Exactly What I Thought, and Nothing that I Expected

Saturdays are typically a little bit of a lower paced day at the Miriam Center considering that we make no trips to Bonneau or any Outreach in the afternoon. So, I got permission from Autumn and Melonee to tag along with Caitlin and her team to Ansefelour. Ansefelour, Haiti is the known as the northern voodoo capital in Haiti. As it is commonly said around here, “Haiti is 70% Catholic. 30% Protestant and 100% voodoo.” Many people here believe in the power of Voodoo and spirits. Even those who are members of the church, especially the Catholic church are well known followers of voodoo practices.  

When we arrived in Ansefelour, the bus dropped us off at the corners of a street. We ended up taking a small path right off the road up to the monument. Caitlin asked Kelsey (whose group left this morning and also came with us since she had the day off until the group she is tagging on with got back this afternoon) and I to take the back of the line to make sure no one got lost. This was good because I was able to talk with Kelsey which was great and I didn’t have to worry about keeping up any kind of pace. Although, I soon realized that I really didn’t need to worry about a pace as the group wasn’t fast at hiking at all. The climb was not too bad at all. It was certainly uphill, but I had heard it referred to as ‘billy goat hiking’. Not that bad. Not that long. I had pictured in my heard just the steepest, narrowest hill I had ever seen. Therefore, I was pleasantly surprised to see what we were climbing today, not that bad.

When we arrived at the top of the hill, we reached the monument. Also, I was thinking this REALLY tall monument in this really open area right next to the temple. Nope. Not at all. In fact, the voodoo monument in Ansefelour is on the edge of a pretty tall mountain and was once a pretty tall concrete cross. However, soon after it’s final construction a storm rolled through the mountains and lightening struck the cross, causing the top portion of the cross to fall off and tumble down the mountain. It is said that at that same time, a doll feel from the sky, landing where the cross had stood. This doll is famously known as St. Anne. She, along with the Devil are the two voodoo ‘gods’ that are worshiped here on the main island. The monument is now actually the base of the cross where voodoo followers come to ‘pray’ and burn incense to the Devil.

When we arrived at the monument the group took a couple of minutes to look around at the view and town of Ansefelour while Caitlin explained all of this information to them. When then had a chance to gather around and pray to our true God in Heaven, that he would redeem this town and this nation and call them back as followers of Himself. We prayed that He would open there eyes to the foolish ways that the Devil and St. Anne have deceived them and that His glory would ultimately shine through in Haiti.

We then took the hike back down the hill and then several blocks down the road where we had been dropped off to the actual temple. At first, I was confused that we were really at the ‘temple’ because it looked like just your average building on the street in Haiti. There was even a sign about some sort of restaurant painted on the second floor. It was rather bizarre. When we entered it was certainly not like any place I have EVER been in before. The first room you walk through is so dark and has a tree that once grew inside the building that is now marked with the scares of burnt incense and soot. We walked through this room into an open area where people where gathered in a line. This was apparently the line to walk up the stairs into the room that the doll, St. Anne and the shrine to here are located in. People come in and leave all sorts of burning candles, flowers, and other offerings in this room. People come all throughout the country to pray to St. Anne and offer up some sort of offering. For those who are not able to come, either due to work or health, have friends or family travel to the temple with a cell phone so that they can pray to this doll over the phone. The line was so long that we were not able to actually go up into the room, so we followed Caitlin into the back courtyard of the temple.

It was here that Caitlin explained to the group of us, that here in the courtyard is where animal sacrifices take place. Thankfully no sacrifices were taking place while we were there, even though the followers of voodoo are preparing for Holy Week in just a few weeks. This week is supposedly the week leading up to St. Anne’s birthday. It is within this week that voodoo is heavily practiced both within Ansefelour and all throughout Haiti on a much higher scale than usual.

We also learned that people actual bring their families into the Temple to stay if they or someone in their family is sick. They pray to St. Anne, the Devil and all of the spirits to be healed. If they aren’t healed then they believe that they just are not good enough or spiritual enough to be healed, so they just continue to pray and practice more and more voodoo. If they are healed, then they praise all the spirits. So either way, it’s a lose-lose situation. 

Once Caitlin had finished telling us all about the Temple itself, we were able to circle up once again and pray for those who were currently living in the temple, those who were visiting today, and those who were trapped in the lies of voodoo practices.

When we walked back through the temple to exit, I was able to look into these rooms in which families move into. It was rather heart breaking. These rooms where so over crowded and small. There were people just laying on the floor. The one thing I really took note off as we walked through the temple was that no one seemed to be joyful or had any sort of happy expression or smile on their face. Every Haitian there just seemed to be standing or laying down with this sober look on their face. It was as though there was just no life in their eyes. It was rather hard to witness, but definitely made my heart ache for these people.

When we had finished touring the temple, we continued to walk a few more blocks down the street to a restaurant. Along the way we passed several store huts that were selling an assortment of items as always, including paintings of St. Anne for sale.

The food at the restaurant was certainly worth the wait! Turns out the mission had helped the female owner of the place open it several years ago financially. Instead of physically making her pay back the money she owed, the mission allowed her to pay them back by allowing teams to come eat at the restaurant for free until she broke even. Now, teams still come in to enjoy her delicious food and pay her family, so that she now make profit and income for her family. The food was amazing! We had this sort of veggie pasta, plantains, chicken, fried breadfruit, beans and rice with an onion sauce and a cold Coke to wash it all down. It was a great break and great lunch to finish off the rest of our time in Ansefelour.

We continued our adventures at the beach by hosting a VBS for the kids there. Caitlin’s group had some great things planned. First, the kids sang a couple of songs in Creole. Then, with the help of a translator, they shared the story of Noah and the Ark. After finishing the story the Americans showed the Haitian kids the song, Baby Shark and the Macarena. The kids absolutely loved this and asked to sing it over and over again. When they had finished with the dances, the group passed out animal crackers to each of the kids to go along with the story of the Ark.

As our VBS came to a close, our group went to the beach for just a few minutes to put our feet in the water and take a few photos before we needed to leave due to dark clouds forming up the mountain. We did have enough time to make sure the group got a picture on the beach together and they graciously took one for Kelsey, Caitlin and me.

Overall my time at Ansefelour was very eye opening. On the bus ride back, in between conversation that Kelsey and I had about life in general, I thought to myself about all the things I had seen in the course of just a few hours. I thought about the fact that these people believe in a thing like voodoo simply because they are scared, just don’t know any better, grew up in voodoo, or think they have nothing else to believe in. When I process this for too long it can be really heartbreaking. I mean, I firmly believe that I am sinful and Christ made a way for me to be in Heaven when I die by sacrificing his own life and making a way for me.  I believe this will all my heart and when I even see things around me like these beautiful mountains or the incredible children in the Miriam Center, I think to myself, how can people not thing there is a higher being, a Creator of all things. But the problem is these people do, they just believe the Devil and St. Anne are these higher powers, not alone God. There have certainly been times in my life where I have doubted my faith in the Lord. The trouble is, there are visible and known doubts in voodoo, such as the fact that the doll, St. Anne who resides in the voodoo temple and apparently travels to Tortuga on Sundays, has not always had the same appearance. In fact, many believe that the doll has been switched out in years past. Jesus has ALWAYS been the same person, and Christianity has always stacked up against the toughest of atheists. Just look at C.S. Lewis.

It is sad because these people feel like they need to pray to a doll. It is heartbreaking because these people feel that witch doctors have true powers here. It is tragic because these people believe in the power of spirits and curses here (when witch doctors at times pay people to beat someone up, burn their home, or kill their animals when an individual puts a curse on them). It is troublesome because these people have committed their lives and hearts to the work of the Devil rather than the Lord Almighty.

However, at the same time there is a peace in knowing that the Lord can chose to win Ansefelour, the Northwest and all of Haiti whenever he desires. The Lord can and one day will redeem Haiti. He will make this nation and these people whole. I believe with all my heart that He is going to do so not through me, groups of Americans, or this mission, but through the Haitians. He is going to restore this nation through the very people we are pouring into now. He can bring this nation back to Him through the generation of kids we are pouring into now. The kids we danced and sang and told the story of Noah’s Ark to today. Those very kids could be the ones who bring this nation back to singing praises to the King of Kings.

Please continue to pray for the nation of Haiti in this regard. Pray that He would restore and redeem Haiti.

As I sat on this bus riding back home though. I began to realize that even though my heart broke for the people of this nation that 'just didn't get it'. That would go to a church service on Sundays, but practice voodoo all through the week, just didn't get it. They were so close, but just didn't fully understand the Truth right in front of them. My heartbreaks for these people, but I became convicted for all the others. All the other people in this world who simply just don't get it. The Jews, the Atheists, the Hindus, the Mormons and every other person in the world so is walking through life without knowing the Name of Jesus and what He has done for them. My heart breaks for all of these people. 

Overall, today is exactly what I thought, and nothing that I expected. I thought that I my eyes would be opened to the voodoo practices in this nation, but I never thought that I would see it in such a way. I thought that I would be heartbroken for the people of Haiti, but I never thought I would feel pressed to pray for everyone in the world who didn't know the Lord today. I thought that I would be able to serve the Lord today, but I never thought that through what I did today, I would continue to feel the hint of the calling He is placing on my life. The calling to serve His people. The broken. The poor. The Hungry. AND THE LOST. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Lessons from Roselore

Today was a little different. We took the sensory kids to Bonneau with both Kelsey and Caitin’s two groups of Americans. This meant that even with McKinley and Carlos tagging along because they cried so much about not getting to go, that there was still close to a 2:1 American to kid ratio. This also meant that Autumn, Caitlin, Kelsey and I did not have kids. This is the first time I have ever been to Bonneau this whole summer that I have not been in charge of a kid at one point in time or another. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think at first. It was so strange not having a kid. I felt weird and at times I wish I could have a kid to play with, but then I realized that with the freedom of not looking after just one child, I could play with all of our kids that came today! Kelsey and I went around taking pictures and playing with each child and the American(s) that were with them. 

 Lunch today for the kids came REALLY late. In fact, I was able to walk upstairs to eat my own lunch of rice and beans super fast to come back downstairs just in time for the beginning of the lunch process for the Miriam Center. For lunch I had the privilege for feeding more than just one child like yesterday. In fact, I fed John Kerry, Gildine, Yeah-Yeah, and Walden. By the time I had finished feeding these guys, it was time for Outreach. 

Today in Outreach we only had one kid, who is working on trying to walk. Autumn showed me some things that she had learned from some of her friends who are physical therapists back in the states since OT’s technically aren’t licensed to treat the lower body really in the states. However, in Haiti there really is no such things are licensing or protocols. If you know, you do. So Autumn and I worked with this kid for about an hour before he feel asleep. If there is one thing I have found that is extremely different between therapy in the states and in Haiti it is the attitude that the parents have towards it. These parents sometimes can walk hours to get to the mission each week for this hour and a half to two hour long therapy session, yet they don’t seem to mind if there kid takes a nap right in the middle of it. I certainly admire all of these parents for choosing to keep their kids with the stigma that special needs kids have in Haiti. However, I am still working on fully understanding the nature of this attitude in Haiti. 

After Outreach was done, I had nothing to do for a couple of hours since we ended a bit early because our kid was asleep. So I tagged along with Tore and her group which consisted of her mom, friend Cameron (who also wants to be an OT as well) and three other women who were with their team to the market. We looked for mangos, kinips, and coconut cookies for Autumn. I love going to the market and being immersed with the people of St. Louis. I love walking the rows of the market, seeing all the random things that are for sale and the faces of the people watching white people pass by. 

When we arrived back at the mission I went to take a nap. I ended up being way more tired that I thought I was and slept for about an hour. When I woke up, I went downstairs and played with the kids until it was time for the higher functioning kids to eat. I hung out with Steven and Roselore for quite a bit during this time. 

Roselore was really upset about something and I couldn’t figure out what it was that was wrong. She wouldn’t talk or laugh or even smile. This is sooo unusual for her. I held her in my arms, comfort her and ask her what was wrong in the little Creole I have picked up. I even tried to make faces and tickle her to get this sweet girl to laugh, but nothing would work. It broke my heart, but made me realize a lot about myself. When I get upset or mad I often times just shut down and close everyone else off. I don’t talk to people. I don’t reach out to anyone. I just shut down and expect everything to just be magically better. This would be a remotely okay response if I took these feelings to God, but when I am upset I typically do not. I know that I should, but this just isn’t my response. I am just like Roselore a lot of the time. I try to cover up that I am upset, but it is usually pretty clear. And I try to pull away from anyone trying to comfort me, even when it is my Father. And I usually don’t find things funny even when people try to cheer me up. I saw myself in Roselore today that I never really expected. 

I think that the way I saw Roselore today is often times what the Lord sees of me. His little girl who is so upset, but will simply refuse to turn to him and tell him what is wrong. The little girl who wants to figure it all out for herself and doesn’t want to just collapse into His arms. I am the little girl who does everything to try and cheer herself up or makes things better before turning to my Father. In so many ways I am Roselore. And in just the same ways that I wanted more than anything for Roselore just to chose to let me help her, I am confident that this is actually the way God feels when I refuse to turn to Him. 
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Still Here

My last Thursday. I never thought I would reach this final countdown to my time in Haiti It makes me really sad to think that I now have less than a week here. I didn’t think that five weeks would ever feel like it went by so fast. I am thankful though that my last Thursday in Haiti was a fabulous day in Haiti. 

 It all started at breakfast: pancakes and then continued into my personal preparations for the day. Lisa was so kind to me this morning when wrapping my burn. I was informed that while I have sent out a couple of e-mails about this, I am not sure if I have in my blog yet or not. Either way, I have a burn. Not too bad of one, but a burn indeed. I acquired such a burn when my skirt got caught while trying to gracefully dismount from a moto on Saturday when we arrived at Charlie Beach. Lisa was so great about it. I feel better about having a burn while in Haiti knowing that she is here. I also had a fantastic quiet time. 

To add on to my excellent start to my morning, when I went down to the Miriam Center I was able to hang out with three of my favorite kids in the severe and profound classroom. I went to Lovejinie first, followed by Gildine and finally my boy Berto. Every single time I hold Berto he just warms my heart so much. I love that kid.
 It was while I was downstairs they Heather popped in and told me that if I would like to do some laundry in her washer in her room that I could go run upstairs and grab it. Would I ever! I was about to have to seriously start rewearing some clothes if I didn’t do some serious washing soon. However, when I hand wash all of my clothes it can typically take me about an hour to an hour and a half to do some. This is time that I simply just don’t have with group here. This was such an incredible blessing for me. I don’t know if Heather knows just how much she helped me out today! 

Lunch with the kids also went so smoothly today. A group of American’s from Caitlin’s group came down to help us with feeding. I spent the first half of feeding simply assigning every American to a kid, passing out bibs and bowls. The Haitian staff seemed to have grabbed most of the more difficult kids to feed that left the easier ones to us. I only had one kid this afternoon because everyone else was so efficient. I love when groups are here in terms of feeding. 

 The little boy I did feed today was Christ-Jerry. Pronounced Chris-Jerry. I don’t think that I have shared his story with you yet, so I will now because it is amazing. Christ-Jerry was not expected to live when he was first born to Papito and his wife. The doctor came into the waiting room of the hospital where Papito and his sister were waiting when his wife went into labor. Please understand that this is not the typical order that Haitians do things here. It is very rare to see a married couple have their first child within marriage. It was then in that waiting room that Papito was informed that nearly the baby nor his wife were going to survive the next half hour. Papito’s wife died within a few minutes of hearing this news, but the baby pulled through the critical period. The doctor said that even though the child had suffered a severe lack of oxygen for a considerable amount of time. Papito’s sister, who was with him, suggested that they give this boy a strong name though since he was such a fighter, so they named him Christ-Jerry. Christ-Jerry is both blind, deaf and has a considerable amount of cognitive disability. Even with the stigma that special needs kids have in Haiti and even the profound amount of disabilities that Christ-Jerry has, Papito chose to keep Christ-Jerry. This is so rare, especially for a man to do since here in Haiti woman are seen as the true leaders of a house hold and it is common for a father figure to not be present.  Not only did Papito chose to keep his son. Christ-Jerry is apart of the Miriam Center to help Papito with feeding and caring for this adorable little angel. Papito is still fully present in Christ-Jerry’s life though. In fact, he actually works at the Miriam Center spending his days caring for the kids, including his own son. 

It is so clear how the Lord has worked in the lives of this father and son. It was such a blessing to be able to reflect on this while feeding this cute guy today. 

Outreach today was once again a little bitter sweet. I had the privilege for working one on one with a little boy names Paul. He is such a cutie. When he grows up he is gonna be a ladies man for sure! I had such a blast working with him today. His mom is such a sweet woman and you can so clearly she her love for her son. She is so involved with his therapy! Today was the last Thursday that I will be at Outreach with them this summer. Autumn and I were able to get quite a few pictures with them though before they left today, which made saying goodbye a little easier. I pray that I will see them all again some day soon!

It also rained this afternoon. However, unlike most times when the rains travel quickly by, the clouds seemed to slowly roll in today. Being just before sunset the gorgeous view from my dorm room was made even more beautiful by the contrast between sun and shade. It made for a very peaceful time to reflect on my experiences so far.
What I have determined is well, a lot of blessings. I am not capable of anything. The Lord has used me in some pretty incredible ways this summer and I am so thankful for this. I have seen more, loved more, served more, sweat more, fed more, danced more, sprayed bug spray more, smelled more, slept outside more, cared more, prayed more, been bless more, been moved more, experience the Lord more in these five weeks than I ever have in my entire life. This may be my last Thursday in Haiti. But it’s my last Thursday in Haiti this time. This trip. This internship. Who knows when I will be back? How long I will stay? Who will be with me? Only the Lord knows. All I know is that I am STILL here and STILL doing his work here in Haiti for the next five and a half days. My time may be coming to an end, but I am still here. 

4th of July from Haiti

Happy 4^th of July! Wish I could teleport myself to the states just for this day! I hope that each of you have enjoyed celebrating America’s independence today and watching the lovely fireworks show. Please save me some sparklers if you are reading this.

Even though I wasn’t in the states for one of my favorite holidays (minus Thanksgiving and Christmas) because we as a family typically go out to my great aunt’s lake house, it was still a fantastic day here in Haiti.

So while we couldn’t completely celebrate here Kelsey, Morgan and I refused to give up and decided to dress in red, white and blue today! We probably looked ridiculous, but oh well. Tonight after devos and movie night with the Miriam Center we are also going to try and use Autumn’s iPad to try out an app she has for therapy downstairs that looks like fireworks. Yes that is how lame we are and sad we are missing out on this back home. 

This morning I headed out with Sinclair, Tore, and Morgan’s groups to Bonneau with Heather and Nahum. The kids really seemed to enjoy today even though it was pretty smoking hot outside today. Thankfully there was a nice breeze though. I was really blessed by my time at Bonneau today. Our trip this morning was the first time that I have not been responsible for a specific kid since we had so many Americans traveling with us today. While I really love spending this one on one time with kids when I do, today was special because I was able to go around and check on different children all through out the playground and give Americans who needed a break some time off, or picking up the slack for Americans who just really aren’t that great with kids, special needs kids in particular. I ended up spending a lot of my time with Walden. I absolutely adore this kid! We went down the slide several times and he would just light up and giggle each time we did! It was so cute!

When we arrived back at the mission I spent some time feeding John Kerry, Walden and Ti Jimson. Each of these boys rock and I love feeding them because they don’t require too much patience to finish their whole meal. Lunch went pretty smoothly for the Miriam Center and I am certainly very grateful for it!

Lunch of my own came with a big blessing. Since I was busy downstairs feeding my three boys, Autumn went upstairs to grab three plates for Heather, herself and me. When I arrived upstairs both of these wonderful ladies were already sitting at a table. They had bought be a Coke from the Canteen so that I “could make it through the afternoon”. This was so sweet and it is little acts of kindness that makes me feel so blessed to be their intern. There are times that I feel like they serve me more than I could ever possibly serve them. 

Outreach this afternoon was fantastic as always. I had the opportunity to work with a little girl on strengthening her arms and legs to crawl and sit up. I have had the chance to work with her a couple of times over the last few weeks, and while today was my last chance to work with her until fingers crossed January, I feel so thankful and blessed to have seen progress in her today. Not only was she beginning to show quite a bit of effort at an attempt at crawling, she also was able to sit up on her own for quite a while and even was able to pull up into a quad position on her own at the very end!

I was also able to take some time to read a couple of chapters in my book today AND take a nap today. The book I am reading is called Kisses from Katie and if you haven’t had the chance to read it yet, I would absolutely recommend it to you! I accidently took a little bit longer of a nap than I had initially intended. I woke up at 4:40 when dinner time for the kids is at 4:30. I wasn’t too worried though since we run on Haiti time here so when dinner is said to start at 4:30 this could mean dinner time is anywhere between 4:20 and 5. However, when I walked downstairs to help out, the Americans and workers had already managed to help feed EVERY SINGLE kid who needs assistance. Such a blessing and a great break once again. Thanks Americans! 

When I went outside into the courtyard to confirm such fantastic news with Heather who was sitting at the picnic table with some of the kids and staff I received even better news! Shelly, the Miriam Center’s nurse was sitting at the table and said something to Heather in Creole. Heather told me that Shelly had said, “Tell her I love her a lot!” Wow. I love her too! She serves these children so well. I know that when I see her in Heaven many, many years from now she is going to radiate from all of the jewels on her crown. 

Tonight was incredible as well. The Miriam Center had a movie night hosted by one of the American groups. We watched Lady and the Tramp and the kids all had popcorn. I held Berto for the first half, and then hung out with Ti-Carlos and McKinley. Natalie also offered me some of her popcorn a piece at a time. I also got some video and pictures of Joshua eating one piece of popcorn and then reaching up to fed a piece to Kelsey who was holding him. It may be one of the most precious things I have witnessed any of the kids doing her in the last month. It warmed my heart so much and I know it did for Kelsey as well! 

I am making this blog a little short tonight due to the movie and the fact that Kelsey, Morgan, Kelly and I are going to try to borrow Autumn’s Ipad here in a little bit to use one of her apps. This app creates images that resemble fireworks when you touch the screen. This is how we are going to make up for the lack of firework merchandise sold in Haiti. 

I hope that each of you had a fantastic fourth of July as well with your family and friends! 

Update on prayer requests: I did see the little girl on Monday that I had asked for prayer to see again (sorry I forgot to mention this earlier). I am feeling much better. Still not awesome, but my nose isn’t nearly as stuffy! My burn on my foot is still not scabbing over too great so if you could be praying that it doesn’t get infected I would really appreciate it!  I am so thankful for all of the prayers and encouragement that you have sent my way! 

Goodnight and God bless!

Innocence

July 3rd

Innocence. The definitions of this word (as stated by Google) are: 1. The state, quality, or fact of being innocent of a crime or offense. 2. Lack of guile or corruption; purity. 3. freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil

Today I thought a lot about this for many different reasons, some growing and some trying.

My morning started off not so hot. I have started to feel really sick lately. Just stuffy nose, headache, and sore throat. I assumed that it was just allergies at first, but now if I am not on a regular regime of Ibuprofen I start to feel a little achy. PLEASE. PLEASE be praying for this. I would rather not have to spend my last week here away from the lovely Miriam Center kids and in bed. It would suck and I am going to try to do my absolute best to get better! But I could certainly use some prayer in this regard.

Because of this I had an AWFUL nights sleep. Probably my worst since being here. I woke up really tired, but was determined not to let these allergies get me down. We as interns spend the morning in staff meetings and at breakfast before heading up for our skit at orientation.

I will tell you due to the lack of time we had to go through and practice the skit, I was a little apprehensive about how this was going to go. Turns out it was great and I think that all of the group members really enjoyed it.. Melonee was laughing so hard that she was crying. We did pretty great I’d say. To show that it was really important to stay hydrated I had to pour water all over myself, which resulted in it later looking like I had peed my pants. So I went back to the room to change really quick. Overall though, I think the skit was certainly a success! Americans (and Canadians) were coming up to us and telling us what a great job we did.

Soon after this Autumn and I began to sort through supplies that people had brought in specifically for the Miriam Center. The groups lay everything out on tables and as Autumn mentioned, walking down the rows of tables was likely the closest we would feel while in Haiti to shopping at Walmart. We were able to get some really awesome supplies for the kids downstairs though and Outreach! It was definitely came at a much needed time as Autumn had just been informed that earlier that morning we were running low on peanut butter which is something that the kids eat daily. However, now there are countless jars of peanut butter stocked up downstairs. Praise God!

Upon completing this we headed back down into the Miriam Center to help out with the severe and profound preschool. I hung out a lot with Berto and Gildine. This time has always been so precious to me. It allows me to just spend some quality times with each of the kids. About an hour or so after being down there though it was time for lunch. With groups here this process goes by so much faster and I am so thankful for it!

In the afternoon Autumn and I were able to make some bags to bless the Outreach families with. This bags included a lot of supplies we had gathered this morning including travel sided lotion bottles to help with massages at homes, anti-bacterial soap, tissues, body wash, wet wipes, crackers, granola bars, baby spoons, tooth paste and both an adult and kids size tooth brushes. I can’t wait to be able to see a few of these given out next week!

By the time we had finished the bags and gone back downstairs the groups that we helping with feedings at already accomplished feeding ALL of the severe and profound kids! Every single one of them. There was nothing for me to do except syringe feed Dersen, which none of the Americans in the group would have known how to do anyway. It was certainly a nice break from the last few days here.

At devos tonight is where it hit me hard today. My friend Lisa (also an intern here) shared a story that happened to her today in the clinic. She had been really upset and talked about it to me and a few of the other girl interns today during lunch. A 9 year old girl had been brought in to the clinic this morning by her mother. Apparently she had been living with her aunt because her mom didn’t have a job for a while, but had just moved back in a few days ago. The mom brought her in to the clinic when she noticed some scares, tears and lacerations on the lower half of her body. Lisa had to stand in front of a woman today and inform her that her sweet little girl had been raped. At nine years old. Lisa said that at this the woman collapsed into her arms and started screaming, “that’s my baby girl! I love her! I love her! That’s my baby girl! I love her! I love her!” Hearing this news from Lisa today at lunch made me so sad in a lot of ways. This little girl apparently had no joy in her eyes and would not speak to anyone about what happened. Nine years old. A loss of innocence. Innocence. Lost.

This story of this little girl also made me angry. I wanted justice for this little girl so badly. I wanted who ever did this to her to be charged and sentenced for what they had done. They deserved to pay for their actions. The hurt and pain they had caused this little girl. The innocence they had stolen. The sin they had committed. This was a slap in the face as well for me today (Thanks God for the awesome lesson). I can not judge this man for his actions. Yes he should pay for the hurt that he has caused this little angel, but I have caused others grief just the same. He may have committed a sin, but I too have sinned against others. Obviously there is a large psychological and moral difference between rape and the things that I have done. And in no way am I trying to undermined what happened to her. But I realized that I am not free from sin either. I have lied to my parents, I have done awful things that have hurt people, I have envied and gossiped, I have called people awful names and driven over the speed limit. I am NOT innocent.

And to be honest. None of us are. We are not innocent. We are sinful. But thankfully we have a loving God who gave his one and only Son to redeem us and wash us clean. He offers us the breath of life and the hope of eternity with him. I can only hope and pray that this little girl from today knows the Lord. I pray that she and her mother may one day be able to find redemption in the Lord. And that He would wash away their grief and replace it with joy. That He would use this horrific thing that happened to her when she was young for good.

And I can tell you He already has. Lisa has been considering moving to Haiti to practice missionary medicine for about three years now. When Sinclair had asked her earlier this week what experience had lead her to feel that the Lord was calling her to move to Haiti, Lisa had told him it was more of just a bunch of little things. However, tonight she spoke of how she knew that the Lord was now certainly calling her to move to Haiti for this. So that she can minister to mom’s in times of grief, and comfort little girls when they are so afraid. I am thankful for the call that He has placed on Lisa’s life and I ask that you would continue to pray for her as well as she begins the transition process into this, especially with the blessing of her parents to go.

Lisa ended her testimony at devotionals tonight by saying. I couldn’t help but think later, remembering the events of this afternoon with this mother screaming, “That’s my baby girl! I love her!” that this is exactly what God would likely say about any of us! “That’s my baby girl! I love her! That’s my baby boy! I love him!” We have a God who loves us, no matter how much innocence we have lost. He loves us and will redeem us. We are his babies and He loves us!

“that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,” Philippians 2:15

Reflections of the Weekend

It’s been a while since I have written. But it has been a fantastic weekend. Very restful and full of loads of memories. The groups left Thursday night and early Friday morning, which meant for one long night. Staying up until midnight was exhausting. This last statement makes me rather nervous for my transition back to the states in a little over a week seeing how midnight is only 11pm back in Texas. I can’t recall to you a time in college that I have been in bed at 11pm. It’s going to take some MAJOR adjusting that’s for sure. For anyone that I may come into contact with the week that I get back: I apologize ahead of time for possibly being lame and going to bed at an unreasonably early hour.

The transition back to the American lifestyle: not so awesome. My weekend however: totally awesome. Once the groups left on Friday we kind of just hung out. I played downstairs with the kids since we don’t go to Bonneau without groups. It was awesome because when the groups head back to the states, they also leave a whole lot of really great supplies (including bug spray, children’s clothes, toothpaste for the kids, peanut butter, batteries, etc.). So the Miriam Center was able to stock up on a lot of needed supplies. That afternoon we did Outreach which was such a joy and learning experience for me as always.

Saturday was quite an adventure. It was Logan’s 22nd birthday, and being an intern, all the other interns (myself included) helped him celebrate. We first decorated the whole staff lounge using decorations for Melonee’s office including Valentine’s Day streamers, construction paper, and a birthday crown made out of pipe cleaners. We do it right here in Haiti.

For lunch we all hiked up the mountain to this really nice restaurant for lunch. The place is actually apart of a hotel here and the owner was nice enough to show us around. This place was one of the nicest buildings I have been in since arriving in Haiti. I mean, by no means does it compare to an American hotel, but the electricity is on 24 hours a day when there are guests, there are tvs and bathrooms in each room and every guest room came with it’s own balcony that overlooks all of St. Louis. It was beautiful. The meal was excellent as well. I ordered goat and with it came rice, beans and plantains(best ones I have had since being in Haiti). We also tried some Haitian pickles. The key word being here: tried. Not enjoyed. They were dill for sure, but not nearly as crunchy as normal American pickles. And there was still this weird taste to them that I can not describe. The biggest joke of the meal though was that about five of us ordered Papaya juice. This was under the non-alcoholic portion of the menu, but for some reason had a VERY strong smell of beer. We have been cracking jokes about not drinking the papaya juice ever since!

After finishing lunch we hiked up a little bit farther to a place known as the overlook. When I say hiked I mean we were on Haitian roads (which might was well be American hiking trails). This experience certainly showed me how out of shape I am. The overlook though was breathtaking. You could see practically all of St. Louis from there and even all the way to Tortuga. It was gorgeous. As a group we circled up and prayed over Haiti, the mission and the people there. It was a really cool experience I hope I never forget. Please join in with us in praying for Haiti.

When we finally arrived back at the mission we got ready for our trip to the waterfall in La Forge. This is approximately 4.5 miles away from the mission. Typically when we have groups here they walk the 9 miles round trip to go swimming here. But since there were no American teams here, Melonee agreed to let all of us interns take motos to the waterfall. Motos are exactly what they sound like: the Haitian version of the motorcycle. Motos along with tap-taps are the Haitian forms of taxis and mass transportation if you can even say that Haiti has a form of mass transportation.

The moto ride was quite the experience. I rode with Kelsey and sat in the middle. I don’t know how I would have felt being on the end thinking the whole way about falling off. A huge thank you to Kelsey for being brave enough for me. We can officially cross this one of the Haiti bucket list.

Apparently though, when telling our drivers of these motos we road “La Forge”, they got this confused with “La pladge”. So instead of taking us to the church where we could have easily hiked the small distance to the waterfall, they dropped us off at a beach called Charlie Beach. We still had a blast though. The girls went into the water while the guys stayed behind to watch our stuff. While hanging out and getting a much needed refreshing swim we played the game I Never. It was a lot of fun, and I had a blast that afternoon getting to know each of the girls better.

That night we watched a Rob Bell film called Raindrops Like Stars. I would highly recommend it to anyone. It was a little long which was difficult at times late at night after a fun filled day, but I was able to get a lot out of it. One thing that really stuck out to me was when he spoke of how has individuals we can own something, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we possess it. You can be rich and own a lot of things, but not necessarily possess a lot. And you can be poor and not own a lot, but possess much. It really struck me serving in a country like Haiti that definitely owns so little, but possess for much happiness and love for others.

Saturday night was eventful. It absolutely poured! Kelsey, Lisa and I went to go play in the rain. Loads of joy! In the middle of the night, around three or four in the morning Morgan and Caitlin(two of the other interns who had helped with a group of Americans)arrived safely back from the Mole. Everyone had told us that they would be getting back on Sunday. So we knew this, we just didn’t think that Sunday went four in the morning. It has been great to have them back though!

For church Sunday morning we did things a little different. Instead of taking only a few of the kids to church since there wasn’t a group here so only staff could bring a kid, we decided to have our own Miriam Center Church service upon the kids request. It ended up working out fantastically and we will probably be doing a lot more of this in the future! Autumn and some of the moms lead worship which all the kids got to play different bells and tambourines for. Papito did a message and the kids got to be involved in parts. It seemed to workout a lot more nicely from the typical church service we go to across the street and was just easier on the kids. It was certainly a nice change for many of them.

After church (both Miriam Center and the normal one everyone else went to) we ate lunch and then went back to the beach again. This time, we got Jackeson (a Haitian who works at the mission) along with Papito and Nehum (a Haitian who works in the Miriam Center) to come with us so that we arrived exactly where we intended to go. We ended up not being able to cross the river needed to get to Charlie Beach that we had been to the day before, so Jack navigated us to another one instead. Thank goodness he was with us! This beach wasn’t quite as nice as the beach we had been to the day before, but it was still relaxing. I accidently ended up getting burnt. Oops. It was hard to enjoy the time there though because there were so many kids around us. You wish you can help them all, but you can’t. It’s really hard. There was a little girl within this crowd of children who appeared to have severely burned her hand to the point that all of her fingers were fussed together. It’s really difficult to know that if she weren’t currently living in a third world country that she would have received surgery and loads of therapy and been a lot better off than she is now. It breaks my heart.

Today we prepared for the groups to get here. This consisted of moving chairs and mattresses around and clearing out old storage rooms for a group of 40 from Canada (there are a lot of Canadians here this time, but I am still going to refer to all white people as Americans more than likely). Once we were done with this we began to practice a skit we have been working on. Melonee has agreed to let us do our very own intern skit for the orientation rules tomorrow morning rather than simply reading off the rules from a sheet. It should be fun and I will definitely let you know how that goes!

When we had finished practicing I went downstairs to help feed. Lunch for the Miriam Center went fairly smoothly today. It was pretty uneventful for me until I got to the very VERY last kid to eat today. His name is Yeah-Yeah. He actually isn’t apart of the Miriam Center, but is a member of the community Outreach school. Just recently Autumn, Stephanie and Heather have agreed to allow him to eat here because he is so malnourished. He is pretty old, about nine or ten, and I can wrap my fingers around his THIGH. It is soooo heartbreaking. Another fact about Yeah-Yeah that hit me hard today is that he is blind and deaf. This made me think of Helen Keller. Yet Helen Keller was famous. She has movies about her, quotes painted on peoples walls, a coin engraved with her for whatever state she was from. Many, many people know of the life of Helen Keller. But very, very few people know of the precious life of Yeah-Yeah. Yeah-Yeah does not have a movie about him, or quotes or even coin. He doesn’t even have food to eat at home. But he does have a smile on his face that beams like the sun. ALWAYS. No one really knows about Yeah-Yeah. He is not famous to many. But he is famous to me. He will forever be engraved in my mind. He may not be know to many, but I am making him know to you.

Outreach this afternoon was great. I was able to work one on one again with a little girl. We worked on playing with toys since she has visual impairments. This was another afternoon in which I thought: “If only they were in America”. A boy who came with one of the kids we were working with has not been able to walk on the bottom of his foot for 13 years. He came to Autumn since she was helping his sister, but without surgery, there is really nothing we can do. Without surgery that is pretty common in American and other countries that are better off. It’s hard to face some days and can be a little overwhelming at times.

I know there will come a day when I no longer see faces that this each day. I will go back to America and not see little girls with burned hands or 15 year old boys who can’t walk correctly. I will go back to America (sooner than I would like), but I pray that I never forget the things that I have seen her. And I pray that you don’t forget the things that you have read.

That was pretty much the extent of my day. The groups of Americans arrived this afternoon/evening. It is really sad to know that in a little over a week I will be leaving this incredible place that I have learned so much, experienced so much, and loved so much.

Please pray for energy. I am starting to feel a little sick and I burned my leg a little bit on the moto ride (don’t worry mom: I’m fine. It’s not that bad). But I could really just use energy. In no way do I want to check out early when I still have 8 days to pour myself out here in Haiti.

Also, please let me know if there is anyway I can be praying for you.

Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know. For God understand all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” Proverbs 24:12